The Hydraholics are taking over the asylum!
Having just returned from the amazing Kinabalu challenge I can safely say that it is truly a wonderful experience where you will meet great new friends, see great new things and marvel at the wonderful country that is Borneo. You will have subjected your mind and body through some tough events and pit yourselves against your fellow team mates in a jocular pisstaking competitive environment.
When you hear and read the various (copious!!) missives from Crispin about training, kit requirements and hydration and all the other things that seem quite boring and mundane, TAKE NOTE because they are all true and some as you will read are for very valid reasons!!
Firstly before you go do some appropriate training: Go into the kitchen and shut the doors and windows. Put the oven on full blast and leave the oven door open. Put four large saucepans of boiling water on all the rings of the hob on full blast with out a lid on so that the steam is allowed to fill the kitchen. 
Stand as close as you can to the cooker with a hat, long sleeved shirt, a pair of shorts and a rucksack (sunglasses optional) and jog vigorously on the spot for at least an hour whilst drinking 4-6 litres of water. Why you on earth would you wish to subject yourself to such hardship you may ask?? Well put it like this, you better get used to it because this is what it will be like in the climate in the jungle!!
However dont be in any way put off because you soon get used to the weather, as well as drinking more water than Gillian McKeith, Vogue magazine, Mens Health or any do gooder health or fitness magazine could ever suggest. 6,7,8,9,10 litres of water a day PER PERSON is not uncommon such is the humidity. And fear not too as you will be taking a wiz far more frequently than you did when you were a child clear and often is the phrase that you will become so used to hearing from the witch doctors we had on the trip.
Kinabalu Challenge Statistics:
- Water drunk: 115 litres
- Pisses taken : 85-90 well a lot anyway!!
- Mosquito repellent applications: 22
- Suntan lotion applications: 2 bottles
- Arguments with team mates: 35
- T-shirts dumped because too rancid: 6
- Trainers binned because of the same: 1 pair
- Teamates who did a Paula Radcliffe whilst competing: 1
- Amount of times Crispin said guys: 5,768
- Songs sung whilst trekking through the jungle: 35
- Amount of times bag is packed and re-packed: 19 you too will be sick of this
- Smile when luxury 5 star Nexus hotel room is next stop: MASSIVE!!
10 Challenge bits laid bare
1) 4 km= Four Kilometres, 4000 metres, 2.485 miles it really doesnt matter how often you say it in the UK it never sounds very impressive. On the Kinabalu challenge the swaying wire bridges across rivers, the padi fields and the Water Buffalo puddles combined with the humidity and the heat somehow make it seem a lot longer, this is the first taste of exercise on the challenge and it really makes you realise why you were drinking so much of that water.
2) Helicopters-Believe me, being helicoptered into the jungle is truly a breathtaking experience especially if you get the pilot to do silly things when he takes off!! Its like Airwolf and Apocolypse now all rolled into one, Brilliant!!
3) Bikes-When you say you will leave the bike for a team mate, please do otherwise it does tend to cause arguments and tantrums
4) Rafts-Whether the one you build or the one you are provided with makes not much difference- YOU WILL ALL SCREAM AT EACH OTHER!! Team work is key
5) Hammocks-In the jungle if you dont build your bed properly not only will you not sleep but you will fall onto the ground and have creepy crawlies on you.
6) Noodles-Get used to them for breakfast, lunch and evening meal!
7) Water-Keeps you alive!
8) Crispin-Does none of the events apart from the Kinabalu climb but do not let the fags, booze and stature delude you! This man can shift when he needs to. EG getting a drink, avoiding being chucked in the sea, or getting a new pack of fags
9) Jungle Bob-Street name Jungle B is the hardest man you will meet. If you stare at him for longer than 2 
secs you will turn to stone and your fire will go out- you have been warned!
10) Logistics from Welsh David- You will be in the middle of nowhere and miraculously water, sun shelter, clothing and food will appear- truly amazing
All in all the challenge was amazing, from the river, to the jungle, to the sea and the mountain you will be truly in awe of what you are seeing and experiencing. Train, train again and train some more if you want to make it easier. Afterwards stay on and relax in this wonderful country and you never know I am even contemplating doing it all again.
Ed 'Sunscreen Application Essential' Winfield 2007 (Team Stroudy IG)
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